Loving My 40’s

Fourty feels like a milestone, something so many of us ring in with a grand party, trip, or an extravagant gift to mark the occasion. Mine wasn’t like that. It was a regular day that passed quietly, without fanfare, understated if you will. It felt right. And that is perhaps the best way to describe this decade of my life, it feels right. I feel more the self I want to be now than I ever have before, maybe because of or despite all that has led here, I don’t really know or care. It feels right.

My 40’s however have been nothing but non-stop busyness, crazy adventures, huge life changes, and interwoven with an increasingly hilarious journey with teenagers and perimenopause.

What I am learning to accept is how it has forced me to find my own identity again.

Now that I am firmly in my 40s, actually closer to 50, there is freedom in this decade. One I have decided to grab onto and fully embrace. 

• I no longer worry about what others think of me, how we all choose to walk through this life is the business of no one else.
• I am far less concerned about how the world perceives my clothes, how I speak, and especially my parenting; I can put enough pressure on myself to raise great adults without anyone else getting in my head.
• I say yes to things I get excited about and no to the things that feel like they will drain my soul, tax my family, and sap all colour out of my life.
• I have learned to make decisions that are best for me, not my children (they do first and always still come first). And really, what am I teaching said teenagers if I have nothing to show for my life but obligation and commitment? There is so much life to live, and while being a parent and daughter is a huge part of my identity I don’t ever want them to lose how individual, courageous and adventurous they are. It is time to model that.
• I laugh more, adventure more, say yes and no more. It is truly a freeing experience this midlife journey, because I choose it to be.
• Feeling useless. Now that the kids are older and creating adventures and lives of their own there are times I have been rendered redundant. No longer am I needed for the day-to-day mundane of getting them from point a to b, nor am I required to book haircuts or keep track of all the different sport practices. I debated putting this in the con side, but because I love this stage for my fabulous four, what I am learning to accept is how it has forced me to find my own identity again, one that is not wrapped up in their needs. While this could be popped into the realm of things I do not recommend I chose to put it here, because there is beauty in this transition, and maybe feeling useless isn’t so bad at all.

It is truly a freeing experience this midlife journey, because I choose it to be.

On the flip side

There are things that I would love to package up and send to the fiery pits never to be seen again.

• Hot flashes, I don’t think I need to say more. There is nothing like sitting in a freezing cold arena stripping down to a long-sleeved T-shirt because you are so hot that the clothes on your back make you feel so itchy, it leaves you contemplating crawling out of your skin.
• Sleeplessness, which goes hand in hand with forgetfulness and hot flashes. I love mornings when my app sends me an alert, “its going to be really rough day, you didn’t get your required amount of rest, consider going to bed earlier”. If the solution was that simple it would be done, don’t you think?!
• Forgetfulness. I used to be able to keep every detail of every schedule in my head and execute it all without fail. Now, I require a list of my lists to manage the schedule.  I remember the birthdates of my childhood classmates but have no clue if I bought milk this morning when I went to the store (for milk).

Truly, there is very little I could do without in this stage of my personal development. I have learned to like myself more, give grace to others and myself in ways I never have before. How freeing that truly is!

What do you love or hate about being in your 40s? It is definitely a rollercoaster, and if amusement parks are not your vibe it could be a very crazy decade indeed.